passion: nice..ness

I have this idea that, if I uphold my end of the moral bargain, eventually those that I interact with will return the favor. If I treat others nicely all the time, eventually they will be compelled to be nice to me and to others. I have this annoying fear of being disliked, so I’m always consciously making sure that doesn’t happen. I like the satisfaction of being seen as a nice guy, in my personal “now” and I would like to be seen that way in my professional future as well. More importantly, though, my parents instilled in me the idea that being moral and ethical is not only pleasing for society, but that it is simply the right way to be.

I notice that I can completely fabricate a story on impulse. I told someone that my dad used to force me to pee in public restrooms when I was younger because I’m slightly pee-shy, which is a half-truth. He does get annoyed when I say I have to go to the restroom and I don’t follow through, but he’s never forced me to pee. It seems like he would if he could, but he hasn’t. I also told a friend that her hair looked just fine when she put it into pigtails. I waited twenty minutes to tell her that she looked ridiculous.

I have a habit of slightly embellishing stories to make them funnier. I like to be liked and I don’t mind embellishing to do so. I don’t think it makes me any less truthful. I also don’t mind lying to my friends about their hair or clothing or general appearance if it will avoid an awkward conversation or spare their feelings. I tell everyone that I will lie to their faces though, so I feel that they can sense when I’m trying to nice. Again, I don’t think it makes me any less truthful.

I do tell the truth when I think it counts. I won’t tell someone what they want to hear if it means putting down someone else. If my friend is mad at her boyfriend for something and the situation is actually her fault, I will tell her so. She would want me to simply agree with her, but I can’t do things like that. I feel that when you defend someone when you don’t have to, it’s good karma. And it’s simply the right thing to do.

If that didn't seem coherent, that's because it was one fluid thought. And those never sound right.